November | taking stock (with the word ‘and’)
October, November, and December are like the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of the year. I read that somewhere recently and boy is that true. If you celebrate Thanksgiving this month, I hope part of your year’s “weekend” was or is going to be nothing short of joyful.
This time of year, I like to take tangible notes of things I’m thankful for. But ya know what, sometimes, that task is a frustrating one, because I have a list of things I didn’t accomplish this year too. There are circumstances I wish I could change that I can’t, and there’s a timeline for my goals I’ve set that isn’t really getting along with the timeline that is in fact reality.
We’re constantly being told to buckle down and hustle or to do the work. We’re told to be patient and that things happen for a reason. We’re being reminded to look at things with a glass half full perspective and humbled to validate hardships by acknowledging the I’m sure true fact of but it could be worse. Don’t get me wrong, perspective is absolutely the key to happiness, but it only works if you process both sides - the good and the ugly.
It’s really just about the placement of this ONE word that makes the biggest difference: AND (not but).
There’s a certain power that the word ‘and’ holds. Let’s take some phrases I’ve personally said to myself, lately or phrases that have been said to me, “I took a much needed nap today, but now I feel lazy” or “I am sorry for XYZ but [fill in the blank].”
Why are we validating behavior with a reward or explanation system? We can get a task done OR NOT. …..AND WE CAN STILL TAKE A NAP. Giving our bodies what it needs is not an action that needs to be earned by completing a task first. By replacing the word but with the word and, both can be true and valid and perfectly fine.
One thing I explain to my kids often is the proper apology and how it’s rarely necessary to follow it with an explanation. I’m sorry, but… really just takes away the apology, right? I’m sorry I did this thing, and I just want you to know I never meant to XYZ… might be a better version of a necessary explanation.
Speaking of kids, I am well-versed in all kid-related movies. If you haven’t seen Inside Out, you should. The moral of the whole storyline is understanding that it’s okay to have multiple motions. I’m scared, but excited. No. You’re scare AND excited.
This is the time of year I like to take stock of where I’m at - physically, emotionally, professionally, wellness, etc. I jot down the things I think I’ve done well in each category. Do I make a list of the things I didn’t accomplish? You bet your pretty self I do! AND I make a list of the reasons why. The reasons why aren’t excuses to why that said task didn’t get accomplished. This is simply a discovery journey.
For example, as a New Year’s resolution last year, I set a goal to read a fiction book for pure entertainment once a month. I didn’t read a book a month this year AND that’s okay. Why didn’t I accomplish this goal? Well, I didn’t set the time aside to do it. It’s as simply as that. That does not, or should not, define anything me as anything.
If I said, “I didn’t read a book a month this year, but I did launch a line of fabric,” that feels like I’m trying to justify my lack of attention and time dedicated to the book reading goal by working extra hard in some other area …which also kind of taints the other area of work that was never in competition with another task in the first place. Those two sentences just need to be separate bullet points on my list of taking stock. Then, I can decide the why behind each one and chose whether or not it’s even important to me to address the why.
This post is a little woo-woo, I know. But in a season where words like grateful and thankful are at the height of their careers as words, I like to keep things balanced with the reality that, as humans, we are going to be disappointed in ourselves sometimes. As important as it is to yes, be grateful and thankful for all that we have, it’s VITALLY important that we also take stock in the things that we may not be grateful or thankful for. No one is immune to hardship, but if we separate hard moments AND joyful moments into two different buckets, it’s a whole lot easier to take stock of them. They don’t have to speak to each other. They don’t validate one another. This is just how growth happens. This is how we get to a bucket of joy that far outweighs any moment that might not fit in there.
We are slowly but surely finding ourselves into the end of another year. Prepping organically and sustainably for each year is how we grow into better versions of ourselves. So take a nap, my friend. Everything else that was affected by that nap is its own living and breathing entity that lives whether you took that nap or not. So take the damn nap AND enjoy it.
xx,
H
